Because one, honestly, I've clearly not got a traditional interpretation of the word.

[ She's not delusional to that. She loves things like they're things, like a creator loves their creation, something like that. Maybe. It's really, really complicated. ]

Would I bother to change the world that hates me so if I wasn't capable, just a little bit, of finding something in it worth seeing?

It doesn't need to be a good thing, but it's better than nothing at all.